okay, long time no blog..today had a day camp at bottle tree park..the camp was fun..and our instructors are wonderful..many things are going through my mine.a cousin of mine had just got married, the guy..was with her for 10 years and now they finally got married.it's wonderful right? at first i was thinking..if he can do it, i'm sure i can wait for her for 10 years..but the 10 years is different in these cases..and i understand the meaning of 10 years..they ARE TOGETHER for 10 years..but for me, it will/might be WAITING for 10 years and there's no assurance that we will be together..see the different..and no matter what i do, what i say, what i think..will never brings us together UNLESS, a miracle happens. which i doubt it will..my mind is in a complete whirl..i wish to move on, but i'm afraid when i moved on, only den you might like me..and for the new girl that i like..it will be unfair, coz i'm quite sure, if i know you like me, i will surely go back to you..i'm stuck now, can someone save me? gohonzon, please make a decision for me..there are many good girls around me..but why? why of all girls i fell for you..i did use someone to help me forget you..it works, but for a while only..i feel that its unfair for that girl..but i really had no more choice other to use this..do you understand what i'm feeling now? i may appear i am HAPPY..but you never know what i'm feeling inside..i just wish that i can just hack care all about you..and all my life will be back to normal..i just love you..but everything just messed it up..